James Pleiades Hawkins!! (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rattlingthestars) wrote2017-02-07 12:46 am
rattlingthestars) wrote2017-02-07 12:46 am
IC Inbox II
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'S Jim. Leave a message.
previous inbox
'S Jim. Leave a message.
[ He scoots to lean against the headboard of the bed. ]
I can't. [ He can't make any promises, but the words kind of die. Linking his own hands together as he looks at Jim. Looking at the sails and way his shirt is in shreds. ]
I'll try. I'll try for you. [ Even if all he wants to do is touch him. Run his fingers through his hair, down his back, and to touch those wings. He wants to kiss Jim's forehead and hold his hand. He wants to reassure him it's okay. ]
I know you didn't want this. [ Gesturing between them. Meaning the whole Zell seeing him. Zell being in proximity of him. There is an unsaid but hanging in the air. ] I am glad you came. I'm so glad, Stars.
[ Swallowing back the wave of emotions as rubbing his face to keep from crying. ]
I can't. [ He can't make any promises, but the words kind of die. Linking his own hands together as he looks at Jim. Looking at the sails and way his shirt is in shreds. ]
I'll try. I'll try for you. [ Even if all he wants to do is touch him. Run his fingers through his hair, down his back, and to touch those wings. He wants to kiss Jim's forehead and hold his hand. He wants to reassure him it's okay. ]
I know you didn't want this. [ Gesturing between them. Meaning the whole Zell seeing him. Zell being in proximity of him. There is an unsaid but hanging in the air. ] I am glad you came. I'm so glad, Stars.
[ Swallowing back the wave of emotions as rubbing his face to keep from crying. ]
Mm.
[ And then, for lack of any better way to comfort Zell into sleeping, Jim starts to hum a song Zell already knows. ]
[ And then, for lack of any better way to comfort Zell into sleeping, Jim starts to hum a song Zell already knows. ]
[ The sail flickers with every movement of air in the room, every time either of them speaks. It's exactly like what Zell saw in Jim's dreams, down to the patchwork repairs, except that it's growing out of Jim.
He sighs; it sounds like there's a laugh somewhere buried hysterical and deep. ]
You were in trouble. I couldn't... You were in trouble, of course I was going to come.
He sighs; it sounds like there's a laugh somewhere buried hysterical and deep. ]
You were in trouble. I couldn't... You were in trouble, of course I was going to come.
When everyone was scattered?
[ Or when Jim had died? ]
[ Or when Jim had died? ]
When everyone was scattered.
[ It didn't even occur to him to specify which time, but thankfully Jim could figure it out. ]
At that time, I focused on you. I replayed old messages, found stuff on the network with you in it...you know that kind of stuff.
[ If it wasn't such a shitty time, it might sound lame or even a little embarrassing. ]
[ It didn't even occur to him to specify which time, but thankfully Jim could figure it out. ]
At that time, I focused on you. I replayed old messages, found stuff on the network with you in it...you know that kind of stuff.
[ If it wasn't such a shitty time, it might sound lame or even a little embarrassing. ]
[ Zell looks at the sails, already comparing them from the sails he's seen. It's both beautiful and cruel, much like the liquid space adorning his face. ]
You caught me.
[ Zell scoots a little closer. There's a few feet between them, and he really misses being close. Being able to hug him, hold him, and hold his hand without anything bad happening. He told Jim he will try, so he'll do his best. He does feel the resolve crumbling, and decides to ask the next thing that pops in his head. ]
Are they warm? Your wings?
You caught me.
[ Zell scoots a little closer. There's a few feet between them, and he really misses being close. Being able to hug him, hold him, and hold his hand without anything bad happening. He told Jim he will try, so he'll do his best. He does feel the resolve crumbling, and decides to ask the next thing that pops in his head. ]
Are they warm? Your wings?
[ Jim feels Zell moving closer and tenses, afraid for a moment that he's not going to be able to hold the distance. He's not certain what he did today was catching. He killed... he doesn't want to think about it. Not yet, not if Zell isn't.
The question surprises him, and he has to think about it. ]
Remember - sunshine. [ The concept not the nickname. ] Just being out in it and feeling it warm you up? It feels like that.
[ Because it is sunlight, wherever it's coming from. ]
The question surprises him, and he has to think about it. ]
Remember - sunshine. [ The concept not the nickname. ] Just being out in it and feeling it warm you up? It feels like that.
[ Because it is sunlight, wherever it's coming from. ]
[ He feels a mixture of relief and bitter about that. It feels like sunshine and his eyes are nothing but stars. This place has a shitty sense of humor. Zell looks at the shreds of shirt hanging on Jim's shoulders. ]
So it helps you stay warm?
[ He hopes it does. Really hopes it does. ]
I have something you can wear. It's big enough we might be able to get them though.
[ His mouth is going, but his heart isn't fully into it. It's an important topic, but not really what he wants to talk about. ]
So it helps you stay warm?
[ He hopes it does. Really hopes it does. ]
I have something you can wear. It's big enough we might be able to get them though.
[ His mouth is going, but his heart isn't fully into it. It's an important topic, but not really what he wants to talk about. ]
Did it make it easier?
[ Jim thinks it might've just hurt more, but back then he'd been focused on moving as quick as he could. Now, when he's stuck in one place and waiting for whatever happens next... ]
[ Jim thinks it might've just hurt more, but back then he'd been focused on moving as quick as he could. Now, when he's stuck in one place and waiting for whatever happens next... ]
A little.
[ Jim feels it less now that he's inside again, away from what little sunlight Norfinbury can provide. He wishes he could let Zell touch, though - he wants him to have a little of the warmth. It would be a small good to come out of this. ]
I don't want to ruin anything else. Not - until we're sure. I think what I did this morning might change me back.
[ He'd been so sure of it, then, but it's less certain now that hours have passed and nothing has changed. ]
Until then... you can come closer. Don't touch, just ... get warm.
[ Jim feels it less now that he's inside again, away from what little sunlight Norfinbury can provide. He wishes he could let Zell touch, though - he wants him to have a little of the warmth. It would be a small good to come out of this. ]
I don't want to ruin anything else. Not - until we're sure. I think what I did this morning might change me back.
[ He'd been so sure of it, then, but it's less certain now that hours have passed and nothing has changed. ]
Until then... you can come closer. Don't touch, just ... get warm.
It reminded me what I had waiting for me. I know this is different, Stars, but I think maybe focus on what's waiting for you. Focusing on what you want to work towards might help. [ Pausing as he rubs the ring on his finger. ] I will wait for you. I'll try to fix this, but I will also wait for you. However long it takes, Stars. I love you.
[ He doesn't waste a moment after permission is given. He moves closer until they are about a foot apart. Zell feels almost a thrill being within reach of him. His heart is beating in his chest as he faces his boyfriend. ]
How about a blanket then?
[ Zell lifts his hand, but then closes his hands again. ]
Are they like cloth?
How about a blanket then?
[ Zell lifts his hand, but then closes his hands again. ]
Are they like cloth?
[ Jim reaches up to touch his own sail, considering. It does feel like solar cloth... but it also feels like skin in a way that has his stomach lurching. It grew out of his body. It's part of him, and it shouldn't be. ]
-Blanket's okay.
[ He makes a familiar move to rub his face and halfway there seems to realize what he's doing and put his hand firmly back in his lap. ]
-Blanket's okay.
[ He makes a familiar move to rub his face and halfway there seems to realize what he's doing and put his hand firmly back in his lap. ]
I love you too.
[ Focusing on what's waiting for him also means focusing on what he'd left behind. Morph and Mochi, the brother that's no longer responding and the one he'd argued with, and most of all Zell, and the promise they'd made and Jim had broken. ]
You know that, don't you?
[ Focusing on what's waiting for him also means focusing on what he'd left behind. Morph and Mochi, the brother that's no longer responding and the one he'd argued with, and most of all Zell, and the promise they'd made and Jim had broken. ]
You know that, don't you?
[ He can tell from the movement and the way Jim is holding himself that he's really not okay. Sliding off the bed and pulling out a blanket from his stuff before moving to stand infront of him. ]
I won't touch.
[ Reassuring him first, and then carefully he maneuvers the blanket to drape over back and wings. Grabbing each end of it as a way to hug and hold Jim without making any contact as he pulls it carefully. ]
Better?
[ Standing in front of him and already trying to seek out all the parts that are still his. All the parts that are very Jim. ]
You're still you, you know. I can still see you, Stars.
I won't touch.
[ Reassuring him first, and then carefully he maneuvers the blanket to drape over back and wings. Grabbing each end of it as a way to hug and hold Jim without making any contact as he pulls it carefully. ]
Better?
[ Standing in front of him and already trying to seek out all the parts that are still his. All the parts that are very Jim. ]
You're still you, you know. I can still see you, Stars.
Yeah. [ Swallowing as he runs his fingers through his own hair. ] I know you do. That's why you left...
[ And he's not sure if it's right or good still. It's complicated, but it's not the time to worry about it. ]
[ And he's not sure if it's right or good still. It's complicated, but it's not the time to worry about it. ]
[ Jim tenses, not because he doesn't trust Zell to keep his word but because he's so close now. He keeps perfectly still as Zell surrounds him with the blanket, and holds his breath when the blanket tightens. He needs this. He needed Zell. ]
-Better. Thank you.
[ He feels like himself now more than he had for days, but he knows he's still wrong. Zell can see him and he flinches. ]
-Yeah. Why aren't you...
[ Angry? Yelling? Disgusted? ]
-Better. Thank you.
[ He feels like himself now more than he had for days, but he knows he's still wrong. Zell can see him and he flinches. ]
-Yeah. Why aren't you...
[ Angry? Yelling? Disgusted? ]
[ It's hard not touching him. Staying there and gripping to the edges of the blanket as his gaze drops to Jim's legs. They were still intact at least.
Why aren't you what?
He can think of a lot of ways to finish that question. Too many ways. Looking back up to see the trails of stardust and his hollow eyes, trying to find a glimpse of the beautiful hue that matches the strap on his wrist. ]
Why aren't I what?
Why aren't you what?
He can think of a lot of ways to finish that question. Too many ways. Looking back up to see the trails of stardust and his hollow eyes, trying to find a glimpse of the beautiful hue that matches the strap on his wrist. ]
Why aren't I what?
Angry. Afraid.
[ Either of those would be understandable. It's what he deserves, at the moment. He killed them... ]
[ Either of those would be understandable. It's what he deserves, at the moment. He killed them... ]
[ Not that Jim could see, but Zell looks genuinely confused. ]
Why would I be afraid of you? You're still you.
[ Letting go of the edge and then throwing caution to the wind. ]
Just. Just a little, please.
[ His tone is soft and pleading as he reaches to put his hand over Jim's. ]
Why would I be afraid of you? You're still you.
[ Letting go of the edge and then throwing caution to the wind. ]
Just. Just a little, please.
[ His tone is soft and pleading as he reaches to put his hand over Jim's. ]
[ Jim knows he should move his hand, maybe even run away again. But he can't; it's Zell and he wants to comfort him - to be comforted - so badly. So he lets him. ]
I - [ Killed. ] Hurt them. Your friends. Zack's girlfriend. My dad. Not because I was a monster.
I - [ Killed. ] Hurt them. Your friends. Zack's girlfriend. My dad. Not because I was a monster.
[ Jim not pulling away or fighting it emboldens Zell. Moving his fingers to slide between Jim's own. He does feel the dizziness already, but he keeps himself steady. ]
It's okay. It wasn't really them... they weren't whole any more. This place... took them apart. Made them into that, Jim.
[ Squeezing the hand to reassure him. ]
You were protecting us and our future.
It's okay. It wasn't really them... they weren't whole any more. This place... took them apart. Made them into that, Jim.
[ Squeezing the hand to reassure him. ]
You were protecting us and our future.
Yeah. It is.
[ If he were just a little bit more selfish, he'd have gone back to Zell and curled up with him, let everyone stay ignorant of the consequences a little longer. ]
You can read me the riot act when I get back. Promise to sit still for it.
[ If he were just a little bit more selfish, he'd have gone back to Zell and curled up with him, let everyone stay ignorant of the consequences a little longer. ]
You can read me the riot act when I get back. Promise to sit still for it.
I woke up this morning and just... knew. If I hadn't, I wouldn't change back. Won't change back. Whatever.
He had my light, the one Brian stole.
[ Jim sounds like he's trying to justify it, even when Zell's already accepting. ]
Didn't think I was going to be able to do it anyway. Not if there was any part left in there. But...
He had my light, the one Brian stole.
[ Jim sounds like he's trying to justify it, even when Zell's already accepting. ]
Didn't think I was going to be able to do it anyway. Not if there was any part left in there. But...
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