Yeah. [ Jim's cheating a little, turning his nose to nuzzle at the nape of Zell's neck where his hair's a little overgrown. ] If you want to hear about it, I guess.
[ He works at the buttons until they're loose and he can slide the coat off Zell's shoulders and the smaller, short-sleeved jacket with it. He hesitates over Zell's tshirt, but in the end keeping him some kind of warm is more important than getting skin-to-skin contact. ] Want to sit down for this?
[Definitely cheating if the shudder is anything to go by. It's amazing what a new kind of contact from your boyfriend could do.] Y-yeah. [Clearing his throat.] Yeah, I do want to hear about it. [And with more conviction:] Jim, I want to hear everything.
[There is something important he really wants to hear, but stripping seems more important at the moment. Jim's well intentions about keeping something on Zell isn't known to Zell as he pulls off the last layer himself. Check out how those back muscles move, Jim.] What's easier for you?
going to hell going to hell going directly to hell
[ Jim does, and then reaches out both hands to feel the muscles move under them as he takes a long, deep breath and lets it go. ] Just a second. [ He kisses the point of Zell's shoulder before he steps away, holding up one finger as he goes back to their packs to retrieve a few of the blankets and returns to lay them out for Zell to sit on. ] This is better. Can lay down on your stomach for me?
[Zell sucks in a breath at the contact. He stretches his arms and flexes just a bit to give him something to feel back there. He starts to try to look behind him as Jim speaks, but the kiss shuts down his ability to brain for a second. Looking over his shoulder to see that finger and remembering Jim’s words.
Then Jim is and laying the blanket on the ground. He has the best boyfriend. Taking the time to press a kiss against Jim’s cheek before he lays down on the blanket.] Thanks, Stars.
[Folding his arms to use as a pillow as he turns his head to look at his boyfriend.] This good?
[ Jim's cheek is hot when Zell kisses it, his eyes turned toward the ceiling until Zell settles on the blanket. It's hard not to want to stare when he's laid out like that, completely visible in places that Jim can usually only steal piecemeal glances at. He touches the tattoo between Zell's shoulder blades first, hand just resting there as he's overwhelmed by how much he loves everythign about this boy. ]
-Perfect,
[ Belated. He shakes his head and palms some of the lotion that he'd snagged when he went to get the blanket, holding it between both hands and blowing on it to try to warm it up. When he's sure that it's not going to hurt Zell more than it helps, he smears it down Zell's spine in one long motion and then realizes that he actually has no idea what he's doing here. ] Tell me if this hurts, okay?
[His heart is beating fast in his chest as he feels Jim's hand on his back. It feels good, and also adds fuel to his imagination to imagining that hand else where. Swallowing a bit as he buries his face against his arm as he counts backwards.
His face is still warm as he turns his head to try to look at Jim. When he drags warm hands covered in lotion down his back, his brain goes rocketing back to untoward thoughts as he makes a low moan.]
[ Jim's next word is a curse in an alien language, harsh not only because the sound wasn't meant for a human throat. He wants to put his face in his hands, but they're kind of covered in lotion at the moment.
Instead he'll just look at the ceiling again and hope certain problems go away eventually. ]
Don't think that's a good idea -
[ He says, but it's faint. He clears his throat and it's a little more confident this time. ]
[His brows raise with concern over the cursing. Zell lifts his head up for a moment to try to get a good look at his boyfriend. It doesn't take long for him to guess they both are both probably dealing with similar issues.
Then Jim mentions talking. Regardless of what any other part of his body thinks, talking is more important than trying to put the moves on his boyfriend.]
Not sure how much talking I can do with your hands on me. [He answers truthfully.] I can listen.
[It helps that he's just as smitten with Jim's voice as he is with the owner. He's lifting his head enough to free one of his arms. Moving it back to brush the tips of his fingers against Jim.]
[ Jim's face is hot and so are his hands as he starts rubbing Zell's back. It's very purposefully not sensual, and maybe a little too rough, but he's never done this before. He just wants Zell to feel better, without the two of them getting distracted for once.
Talking, though, is as difficult for Jim right now as it is for Zell as he sits on his knees over his boyfriend, staring at his own hands. Eventually, he admits: ] I don't know where to start.
[He’s more than good with the rough hands. Sighing contentedly as he arches into Jim’s touch. So much for staying still.
Jim doesn’t know where to start. Him even admitting that much is something. Thinking about it for a moment or two.] You could start with what you think when it happens. [A pause.] Or what you were thinking when responding to Kunsel earlier. [Sorry love, he’s seen the message on the network.]
[ Jim's quiet again, trying to get his thoughts in order as he rolls his palms over the small of Zell's back. The truth is, it's hard to think when it's happening - everything gets noisy in his head and all he can do is feel. The fear's always so strong it keeps threatening to overwhelm him, get him killed, get everyone else killed.
Sure, he's been afraid before. But back home, every bad thing that happened, he kept pushing past it. This he can't seem to shake, and when it ebbs he's left feeling like a coward.
It's easier to talk about what he said on the network, though it doesn't feel as honest. ]
About how lucky I was, mostly. I did something stupid and it could've - [ He pauses and seems to focus on the massage. ] - So much has happened since then. Me and you. Could've missed that.
[He’s split between wanting to roll over to engulf his boyfriend into a hug or letting Jim work those hands on his back. At the moment, he’ll settle for curling his fingers around Jim’s thigh.]
I know the feeling. [If earlier wasn’t obvious enough. Spreading his fingers wide on Jim as he tries to feel just a little more.] It’s okay to be scared, you know.
[There is a pause as Jim hits a spot. Sighing with pleasure as he tries to remember what he wanted to say.]
Even I get scared, Jim. I’m so used to being able to punch anything that gets in my way and I can’t with these monsters. Not yet. [But he is determined that they will find a way to kick their asses.]
I'm here though. If you let me, I will keep you safe. I will keep holding on.
[ Jim's hands don't stop moving when Zell reaches out to touch him and his smile is invisible, but it's still there. So is the way he changes direction, subtly, to run back over that spot when Zell makes a happy noise. Means Jim's doing something right.
The smile fades, gradually, only to turn wry at the not yet. Of course Zell hasn't given up hope of punching the monsters. It's one of those moments where Jim feels a swell of love so strong he thinks he might be physically lifted by it. He wants to turn Zell over and put this privacy to good use, but Zell's back feeling better is more important. He lean down enough to kiss between Zell's shoulder blades, barely there and then gone.
He's quiet for long enough that it might seem as though he's not going to say anything at all, but he's just marshaling his thoughts again. ]
I know you're here. I trust you.
[ That has never been the problem, not since this began. ]
Just - Zell, if I choke, I'll stop moving. [ Like a coward. A coward who can't keep anyone safe, who always has to be guarded by the other three. ]
[ Little does Jim know, to Zell he always does something right. Making a content sound as he wiggles a little under Jim. He wants more touching and just more of Jim in general.
There is a smile as he feels that light touch. Warmth seems to sprout and spread from the spot between his shoulder blades. Zell definitely feels loved at that moment. Hopefully the lotion doesn’t taste bad.
Jim’s words, has Zell trying to look behind him to catch his expression. Trying to twist just his upper body to better see his boyfriend. ]
Jim. [ His voice is full of warmth as he says his name. ] It didn’t stop you from saving me. [Lifting his hand up to wiggle his fingers… and then he’s going to try to turn the rest of his body over to lay on his back. Sorry Jim, back rub is going to be put on hold, but feel free to enjoy the new view. Grabbing the fabric of Jim’s top to give it a tug. ]
You braved all those monsters to grab me and pull me to safety. [ Moving his hand to rest over his boyfriend’s as he laces their fingers together. He’s still very proud of Jim for that. He knows he has his back and knows they’ll look out for each other. ] We’re partners, right?
[ Is that bravery? It feels selfish. Maybe if he'd done it for a stranger, like Zell had for Kesara that day, it might've been different. Jim's just unwilling to lose one of the best things that's ever happened.
The best thing that's ever happened and who keeps resisting Jim's efforts to help. Zell earns a slightly reproachful look when he turns on his back, but Jim doesn't put up any real resistance to hand-holding. ]
Of course we're partners. That's why I can't - [ He bites off into frustrated silence. ]
Six monsters, Jim. There were six of them out there at the time.
[ Including Silver. And they were all closing in to go after their respective person with Zell heading towards them. ] It was before I even realized that I had a crush on you. [ And that moment did take a toll on Jim. He went off to shut himself away from everyone to fall to pieces. He held it together just long enough to get Zell to safety and then shut himself away.
The reproachful look is met with a sheepish look. Bringing their links hands to his mouth to press a kiss against the back of each of Jim's fingers. ]
Not anyone would do that. Hell, Tifa was right there and she didn't even try to grab me. She was frozen and it wasn't just her. Everyone froze when they saw them, Jim. Only you moved into action to grab me.
[ He sits up using only his stomach muscles to pull himself out check it out Jim. Reaching with his other hand to cup the side of Jim's face. Normally he wouldn't push this, but Jim needs to understand that he's amazing. ] There's no other place I'd rather be than at your side when things get tough. I know you'll have my back or will fight to protect me from cranky vampires.
[ He knows Jim will at least sass at Beckett, and has a feeling he would protect him more than just that. That when he says he rather it be him that the monsters kill. He'll brave all of that all over again to keep Zell and anyone safe. It made Zell worry, but at the same time proud. ]
If you can't move, I'll help you. I'm not going to let go. I'll catch you when you fall. [ And he means more than just falling from the top of desks that are precariously balanced on top of each other. ]
[ He repeats it again, in case Zell doesn't understand. It hadn't been a decision, as far as Jim's concerned. Even if they hadn't known yet... well, Jim'd already had an idea. Jim kissed Zell in his sleep that night.
He breaks a hand away from Zell's to nudge his boyfriend's hair gently away from his eyes, though he avoids meeting them even when Zell cups his chin. ]
I will protect you. I'll catch you.
[ Jim's silent, thinking about how he should answer the other part of Zell's question - what else he'd been thinking about when Kunsel posted those statistics. How he wants to catch Zell, but - not the other way around. Not if it means Zell dying for him, because he can't think about that.
[ He feels a small amount of trepidation as he watches Jim. There is something... something more to this being left unsaid. Zell knows Jim will have his back, but he's not sure if he'll like what Jim has in mind. He remembers the conversation that was sparked by Emmanellain. The way Jim doesn't meet his gaze is troubling, too. Scooting close enough to press his forehead against Jim as he murmurs a quiet hey to his boyfriend. ]
Stars. [ Zell leans back and waits for Jim to look at him. ] If you choke, I will haul you out of there. That's what partners do, right? We're there for each other. I'm not going to leave you. Not again.
[ He will save Jim from whatever gets him or he will be there at Jim's side when it does. There are no maybes. Zell will go down with Jim if he can't save him. ] I'm not going to let you go. [ He can't lose Jim. Not again. ]
[ Jim knows without asking that Zell's picked up on at least some of what he was thinking. It's what brings his gaze to meet Zell's, finally, though by then there's a weak smile on his lips. It's a shameless attempt at distraction when he kisses Zell this time, but he's sincere when he says: ]
I believe in you. You're the best person I know.
[ Handsomest. Brightest. Kindest. ]
Now are you going to let me finish what we started?
I won't. [ He says it again as if to make sure Jim really knows that. Jim is the reason he remembers what it means to be someone's partner after the whole night of maintenance.
The kiss does work as a distraction for the moment. Giving him a kiss in turn as he thinks about letting Jim finish what they started. ]
We could do it like this. [ After saying that, he practically throws his arms over each of Jim's shoulders and leans most of his weight on him. Nuzzling against his shoulder and neck. ] To me, you're the best. I love you, Stars.
[ Jim doesn't object to this arrangement too much as he slides his arms under Zell's and around to rub at his back. He can't really do much from this angle except warm Zell up, but it seems to be what his boyfriend wants, and Jim will do his best to give him whatever that is - both in the little situations and the big ones, until he can live up to being the best. ]
[ Sighing contentedly as burrows his face against Jim. This is pretty nice, too. Probably would be better if he could get some layers off of Jim as well. He has to focus though on more serious matters because it deals with his boyfriend. Zell wants to help pick up the pieces. ]
Stars. [ Kissing his shirt. ] Speaking of finishing what you started...[ He means more than just him getting hands on. ] You can take your time. I'm not going any where. [ In Zell's mind, they have a lot of time together. They will kick butt here and see other worlds together.
And he's pretty content being on Jim at the moment. Tip-toeing his fingers up the back of Jim's neck and carding them through his hair. ]
i lost this one orz - i think it's about to wrap anyway though?
[ He could get some layers off if he asked, probably, though Jim's still worried about Zell's pain despite the conversation they just had. Still, it's too comforting for both of them to pull away when Zell's got his hands in Jim's hair. Instead he keeps rubbing what he can reach of Zell's back, up to his shoulders and down to the waist of his jeans. ]
[ Grinning against his neck, before he presses his lips together and hums against his skin. To mess around just a bit more. It's really hard not to just melt into this and let Jim do as he pleases. He just really needs to repeat something to his boyfriend first. ]
It's not just because you asked me to stay. It's ecause you're worth it to me. [ It really is tempting to write that on Jim. On his arms or some where he can see it to remember. ]
Because you matter to me. [ So, he wants it all when and if Jim lets him have it. Jim's issues are important. Jim's health is important. Just like Zell's pain is important to Jim it seems. Nudging at Jim's chest to ask him to lay down. That will definitely help with this back rub, right? ]
bad at wrapping threads whoops OKAY T HIS ONE FOR REAL
Jim's actually doing what he's told, though, at least for a moment as he lays himself down on the blanket, looking up at Zell with a half-smile on his face. He shrugs his arms out of his jacket, leaving it laying under him, before reaching for his boyfriend and pulling him down, too.
If they have time, then they can stay right here together. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
he can try if i am not a failboat, anyway
[ He works at the buttons until they're loose and he can slide the coat off Zell's shoulders and the smaller, short-sleeved jacket with it. He hesitates over Zell's tshirt, but in the end keeping him some kind of warm is more important than getting skin-to-skin contact. ] Want to sit down for this?
<3 we can always handwave or make a note of it
[There is something important he really wants to hear, but stripping seems more important at the moment. Jim's well intentions about keeping something on Zell isn't known to Zell as he pulls off the last layer himself. Check out how those back muscles move, Jim.] What's easier for you?
going to hell going to hell going directly to hell
;D
Then Jim is and laying the blanket on the ground. He has the best boyfriend. Taking the time to press a kiss against Jim’s cheek before he lays down on the blanket.] Thanks, Stars.
[Folding his arms to use as a pillow as he turns his head to look at his boyfriend.] This good?
no subject
-Perfect,
[ Belated. He shakes his head and palms some of the lotion that he'd snagged when he went to get the blanket, holding it between both hands and blowing on it to try to warm it up. When he's sure that it's not going to hurt Zell more than it helps, he smears it down Zell's spine in one long motion and then realizes that he actually has no idea what he's doing here. ] Tell me if this hurts, okay?
no subject
His face is still warm as he turns his head to try to look at Jim. When he drags warm hands covered in lotion down his back, his brain goes rocketing back to untoward thoughts as he makes a low moan.]
Are you going to kiss it better if you do?
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Instead he'll just look at the ceiling again and hope certain problems go away eventually. ]
Don't think that's a good idea -
[ He says, but it's faint. He clears his throat and it's a little more confident this time. ]
- Not if you want to talk.
no subject
Then Jim mentions talking. Regardless of what any other part of his body thinks, talking is more important than trying to put the moves on his boyfriend.]
Not sure how much talking I can do with your hands on me. [He answers truthfully.] I can listen.
[It helps that he's just as smitten with Jim's voice as he is with the owner. He's lifting his head enough to free one of his arms. Moving it back to brush the tips of his fingers against Jim.]
no subject
Talking, though, is as difficult for Jim right now as it is for Zell as he sits on his knees over his boyfriend, staring at his own hands. Eventually, he admits: ] I don't know where to start.
because butt butt butt (Icon)
Jim doesn’t know where to start. Him even admitting that much is something. Thinking about it for a moment or two.] You could start with what you think when it happens. [A pause.] Or what you were thinking when responding to Kunsel earlier. [Sorry love, he’s seen the message on the network.]
no subject
Sure, he's been afraid before. But back home, every bad thing that happened, he kept pushing past it. This he can't seem to shake, and when it ebbs he's left feeling like a coward.
It's easier to talk about what he said on the network, though it doesn't feel as honest. ]
About how lucky I was, mostly. I did something stupid and it could've - [ He pauses and seems to focus on the massage. ] - So much has happened since then. Me and you. Could've missed that.
/rolls away
I know the feeling. [If earlier wasn’t obvious enough. Spreading his fingers wide on Jim as he tries to feel just a little more.] It’s okay to be scared, you know.
[There is a pause as Jim hits a spot. Sighing with pleasure as he tries to remember what he wanted to say.]
Even I get scared, Jim. I’m so used to being able to punch anything that gets in my way and I can’t with these monsters. Not yet. [But he is determined that they will find a way to kick their asses.]
I'm here though. If you let me, I will keep you safe. I will keep holding on.
no subject
The smile fades, gradually, only to turn wry at the not yet. Of course Zell hasn't given up hope of punching the monsters. It's one of those moments where Jim feels a swell of love so strong he thinks he might be physically lifted by it. He wants to turn Zell over and put this privacy to good use, but Zell's back feeling better is more important. He lean down enough to kiss between Zell's shoulder blades, barely there and then gone.
He's quiet for long enough that it might seem as though he's not going to say anything at all, but he's just marshaling his thoughts again. ]
I know you're here. I trust you.
[ That has never been the problem, not since this began. ]
Just - Zell, if I choke, I'll stop moving. [ Like a coward. A coward who can't keep anyone safe, who always has to be guarded by the other three. ]
might edit maybe
There is a smile as he feels that light touch. Warmth seems to sprout and spread from the spot between his shoulder blades. Zell definitely feels loved at that moment. Hopefully the lotion doesn’t taste bad.
Jim’s words, has Zell trying to look behind him to catch his expression. Trying to twist just his upper body to better see his boyfriend. ]
Jim. [ His voice is full of warmth as he says his name. ] It didn’t stop you from saving me. [Lifting his hand up to wiggle his fingers… and then he’s going to try to turn the rest of his body over to lay on his back. Sorry Jim, back rub is going to be put on hold, but feel free to enjoy the new view. Grabbing the fabric of Jim’s top to give it a tug. ]
You braved all those monsters to grab me and pull me to safety. [ Moving his hand to rest over his boyfriend’s as he laces their fingers together. He’s still very proud of Jim for that. He knows he has his back and knows they’ll look out for each other. ] We’re partners, right?
<3
[ Is that bravery? It feels selfish. Maybe if he'd done it for a stranger, like Zell had for Kesara that day, it might've been different. Jim's just unwilling to lose one of the best things that's ever happened.
The best thing that's ever happened and who keeps resisting Jim's efforts to help. Zell earns a slightly reproachful look when he turns on his back, but Jim doesn't put up any real resistance to hand-holding. ]
Of course we're partners. That's why I can't - [ He bites off into frustrated silence. ]
IDK SHOUNEN SPARKLES ON
[ Including Silver. And they were all closing in to go after their respective person with Zell heading towards them. ] It was before I even realized that I had a crush on you. [ And that moment did take a toll on Jim. He went off to shut himself away from everyone to fall to pieces. He held it together just long enough to get Zell to safety and then shut himself away.
The reproachful look is met with a sheepish look. Bringing their links hands to his mouth to press a kiss against the back of each of Jim's fingers. ]
Not anyone would do that. Hell, Tifa was right there and she didn't even try to grab me. She was frozen and it wasn't just her. Everyone froze when they saw them, Jim. Only you moved into action to grab me.
[ He sits up using only his stomach muscles to pull himself out
check it out Jim. Reaching with his other hand to cup the side of Jim's face. Normally he wouldn't push this, but Jim needs to understand that he's amazing. ] There's no other place I'd rather be than at your side when things get tough. I know you'll have my back or will fight to protect me from cranky vampires.[ He knows Jim will at least sass at Beckett, and has a feeling he would protect him more than just that. That when he says he rather it be him that the monsters kill. He'll brave all of that all over again to keep Zell and anyone safe. It made Zell worry, but at the same time proud. ]
If you can't move, I'll help you. I'm not going to let go. I'll catch you when you fall. [ And he means more than just falling from the top of desks that are precariously balanced on top of each other. ]
idk if this makes sense i'm sorry
[ He repeats it again, in case Zell doesn't understand. It hadn't been a decision, as far as Jim's concerned. Even if they hadn't known yet... well, Jim'd already had an idea. Jim kissed Zell in his sleep that night.
He breaks a hand away from Zell's to nudge his boyfriend's hair gently away from his eyes, though he avoids meeting them even when Zell cups his chin. ]
I will protect you. I'll catch you.
[ Jim's silent, thinking about how he should answer the other part of Zell's question - what else he'd been thinking about when Kunsel posted those statistics. How he wants to catch Zell, but - not the other way around. Not if it means Zell dying for him, because he can't think about that.
The thought stays buried. ]
I won't choke.
<3 it's good
Stars. [ Zell leans back and waits for Jim to look at him. ] If you choke, I will haul you out of there. That's what partners do, right? We're there for each other. I'm not going to leave you. Not again.
[ He will save Jim from whatever gets him or he will be there at Jim's side when it does. There are no maybes. Zell will go down with Jim if he can't save him. ] I'm not going to let you go. [ He can't lose Jim. Not again. ]
no subject
[ Jim knows without asking that Zell's picked up on at least some of what he was thinking. It's what brings his gaze to meet Zell's, finally, though by then there's a weak smile on his lips. It's a shameless attempt at distraction when he kisses Zell this time, but he's sincere when he says: ]
I believe in you. You're the best person I know.
[ Handsomest. Brightest. Kindest. ]
Now are you going to let me finish what we started?
no subject
The kiss does work as a distraction for the moment. Giving him a kiss in turn as he thinks about letting Jim finish what they started. ]
We could do it like this. [ After saying that, he practically throws his arms over each of Jim's shoulders and leans most of his weight on him. Nuzzling against his shoulder and neck. ] To me, you're the best. I love you, Stars.
making the beast with two backs eh
[ Jim doesn't object to this arrangement too much as he slides his arms under Zell's and around to rub at his back. He can't really do much from this angle except warm Zell up, but it seems to be what his boyfriend wants, and Jim will do his best to give him whatever that is - both in the little situations and the big ones, until he can live up to being the best. ]
woof woof
Stars. [ Kissing his shirt. ] Speaking of finishing what you started...[ He means more than just him getting hands on. ] You can take your time. I'm not going any where. [ In Zell's mind, they have a lot of time together. They will kick butt here and see other worlds together.
And he's pretty content being on Jim at the moment. Tip-toeing his fingers up the back of Jim's neck and carding them through his hair. ]
i lost this one orz - i think it's about to wrap anyway though?
[ He could get some layers off if he asked, probably, though Jim's still worried about Zell's pain despite the conversation they just had. Still, it's too comforting for both of them to pull away when Zell's got his hands in Jim's hair. Instead he keeps rubbing what he can reach of Zell's back, up to his shoulders and down to the waist of his jeans. ]
I know you aren't.
no subject
It's not just because you asked me to stay. It's ecause you're worth it to me. [ It really is tempting to write that on Jim. On his arms or some where he can see it to remember. ]
Because you matter to me. [ So, he wants it all when and if Jim lets him have it. Jim's issues are important. Jim's health is important. Just like Zell's pain is important to Jim it seems. Nudging at Jim's chest to ask him to lay down. That will definitely help with this back rub, right? ]
bad at wrapping threads whoops OKAY T HIS ONE FOR REAL
Jim's actually doing what he's told, though, at least for a moment as he lays himself down on the blanket, looking up at Zell with a half-smile on his face. He shrugs his arms out of his jacket, leaving it laying under him, before reaching for his boyfriend and pulling him down, too.
If they have time, then they can stay right here together. ]