[ He wants to see that person he knows Jim can be. He... He really does.
He knows Jim can be that person.
The rational part of him knows, too, that they're not fools. That they're both capable. That they won't just rush in on this. That they've seen what one mistake can do. That they're holding it heavy in their hearts.
But in the heat of the moment, all he can think of is Kunsel. All he can think of is him dead and gone and how fast and how easy it was for that to happen, a matter of seconds for him to be gone, too. There one moment, life over the next. He's known, he's known, he's known, and he's seen death so much now in this place, but there's a part of him that had sworn not them, never them. Not if I can help it. And yet, here they are.
And for all the pride he should feel for Jim, all the elation he should hold to in that look, in that moment of solid belief, all he can feel right then is everything just splintering and crashing in on him. A whirlwind of messed up emotions, desperately churning and boiling in him until they finally rise to the top in answer. ]
Ifrit's hell, Jim, you even have to ask?The whole reason why- [ He cuts himself off, a string of curses rolling of his tongue as what cool he attempted to keep completely shatters. He can't say it. He can't say 'We'. It's still too soon.
Too damn soon and too damn hard and his eyes are stinging again and his expression's tight, face pale and worn like he's seen a damn ghost. But he pursues, voice growing louder and words spoken faster by the second. ] Kuns is-! He made that choice- I know he did, but he's gone and now you're telling me you and Zell are gonna go in there anyway! Damn it, I didn't do what I did for you to- I don't want to lose you and Zell, too!
[ Jim flinches back as if struck, and there's a moment - over in a blink - where he wants to press the button to switch them back to audio or even text. It would be so much easier to explain that way, to find the right words in the right order until Zack understands everything. The promise, the failure, the lingering dream, the person Jim wants to be. Until Zack can agree that it's right.
Jim's finger brushes the button but doesn't press. ]
I'm sorry!
[ Echoes in the snowy silence of Norfinbury, a harsh burst of static for Zell, and hardly time for a harsh breath before: ]
Zack, I'm sorry. You - you didn't come back for nothing. You got a second chance, and that's more important than anything, and I'm not going to lose either of you if I can help it. I'm keeping my promises.
[ A ticket out of here, for everyone. Catching someone when he falls. It's worth it, even if Zack can't see that, and he's going to do that even if it means going back to the awful silence between them. Better a hot, angry silence than a deathly cold one. Better Zack alive than dead. ]
[ It hurts to see him flinch. It hurts in the worst ways because it was bad enough hurting him once back then, bad enough almost losing what they'd built and acting like strangers and hell if he would ever want to revisit that. But at the same time, so much just seems so wrong and he can't- he can't-
But he's apologizing. He's apologizing and it's disarming, so much so that Zack just freezes for a moment, eyes wide and lost, mouth moving but words suddenly lost at that shout. He's dumbstruck and thrown off and it takes him a moment to even catch on and catch up to everything Jim says, for context and meaning to actually sink in.
Didn't come back for nothing. A second chance more important than anything- anything? It- It is important to make sure they get out of there. That's important- and if he can be there to help get them that chance, to get them that ticket out. A promise already falling apart but a promise he still wants to fulfill if it's the last thing he does. That's what's more important than anything. And that's more than enough reason for him to level his gaze back on Jim, to find his voice again, strained but no longer yelling. Yet somehow more firm. ]
Then wait, damn it. Just listen to me and wait.
[ There's a plea there. In his words. In his eyes. Don't do this.
[ In a way, Zack freezing helps - just not the way Zack would want it to. Sometimes Jim's let himself forget that Zack's human, too, just as lost as Jim is. He'd seen it when they fought, when he'd come back from the dead, when Zack collapsed and then -
Well, there's no reason to think about the last time he'd seen it. It's over, Zack's alive, and it's not going to happen again, because Jim's not going to let it. ]
I'm listening.
[ Zack can probably feel the 'but' coming in the way Jim steels himself to meet Zack's eyes through the tablet, the breath he sucks in and lets out in a rush. ]
But we can't wait. I'm sorry. We'll take care of each other and - talk to you soon.
[ And with that Jim, too, will cut the connection. ]
[ For as upset as he was earlier, he doesn't hesitate to shoot a response back not long after he finally hears back from him. His own message is brief. Far from the charge emotion from before but still enough to make his point. Nothing that feels impersonal like that one time long before. ]
you take care of yourself out there. both of you. I don't want either of you turning up in the obituaries too you hear?
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He knows Jim can be that person.
The rational part of him knows, too, that they're not fools. That they're both capable. That they won't just rush in on this. That they've seen what one mistake can do. That they're holding it heavy in their hearts.
But in the heat of the moment, all he can think of is Kunsel. All he can think of is him dead and gone and how fast and how easy it was for that to happen, a matter of seconds for him to be gone, too. There one moment, life over the next. He's known, he's known, he's known, and he's seen death so much now in this place, but there's a part of him that had sworn not them, never them. Not if I can help it. And yet, here they are.
And for all the pride he should feel for Jim, all the elation he should hold to in that look, in that moment of solid belief, all he can feel right then is everything just splintering and crashing in on him. A whirlwind of messed up emotions, desperately churning and boiling in him until they finally rise to the top in answer. ]
Ifrit's hell, Jim, you even have to ask? The whole reason why- [ He cuts himself off, a string of curses rolling of his tongue as what cool he attempted to keep completely shatters. He can't say it. He can't say 'We'. It's still too soon.
Too damn soon and too damn hard and his eyes are stinging again and his expression's tight, face pale and worn like he's seen a damn ghost. But he pursues, voice growing louder and words spoken faster by the second. ] Kuns is-! He made that choice- I know he did, but he's gone and now you're telling me you and Zell are gonna go in there anyway! Damn it, I didn't do what I did for you to- I don't want to lose you and Zell, too!
[ So, stop. So, wait. ]
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Jim's finger brushes the button but doesn't press. ]
I'm sorry!
[ Echoes in the snowy silence of Norfinbury, a harsh burst of static for Zell, and hardly time for a harsh breath before: ]
Zack, I'm sorry. You - you didn't come back for nothing. You got a second chance, and that's more important than anything, and I'm not going to lose either of you if I can help it. I'm keeping my promises.
[ A ticket out of here, for everyone. Catching someone when he falls. It's worth it, even if Zack can't see that, and he's going to do that even if it means going back to the awful silence between them. Better a hot, angry silence than a deathly cold one. Better Zack alive than dead. ]
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But he's apologizing. He's apologizing and it's disarming, so much so that Zack just freezes for a moment, eyes wide and lost, mouth moving but words suddenly lost at that shout. He's dumbstruck and thrown off and it takes him a moment to even catch on and catch up to everything Jim says, for context and meaning to actually sink in.
Didn't come back for nothing. A second chance more important than anything- anything? It- It is important to make sure they get out of there. That's important- and if he can be there to help get them that chance, to get them that ticket out. A promise already falling apart but a promise he still wants to fulfill if it's the last thing he does. That's what's more important than anything. And that's more than enough reason for him to level his gaze back on Jim, to find his voice again, strained but no longer yelling. Yet somehow more firm. ]
Then wait, damn it. Just listen to me and wait.
[ There's a plea there. In his words. In his eyes. Don't do this.
Please. ]
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When - later, when we're older -
You'll understand.
When I say.
Some things aren't that simple.
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YOU DON'T HEAR ME SAY
PLEEEEEEASE
OH BABY
DON'T GO
dear god i hope this actually makes sense
Well, there's no reason to think about the last time he'd seen it. It's over, Zack's alive, and it's not going to happen again, because Jim's not going to let it. ]
I'm listening.
[ Zack can probably feel the 'but' coming in the way Jim steels himself to meet Zack's eyes through the tablet, the breath he sucks in and lets out in a rush. ]
But we can't wait. I'm sorry. We'll take care of each other and - talk to you soon.
[ And with that Jim, too, will cut the connection. ]
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Perhaps- in some ways -because they're the messages he should have sent that time once before. That time when he didn't.
At some point, just like with Zell's, they eventually stop. ]
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Zell told you, but we opened the door. No traps yet - nothing really. We're safe. Going to try a few more things in the morning.
Be careful out there.
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you take care of yourself out there. both of you. I don't want either of you turning up in the obituaries too you hear?
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I'll see you soon. Goodnight, Zack.
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night Jim.
[ Shiva, Infrit, whoever the hell or whatever forces would ever bother... Don't let anything happen to those two. ]