[ They’re close enough that Jim can’t help but feel the tension in Zell’s body, the way he freezes up as if steeling himself against Jim’s words.
Then, it changes. Zell is sobbing in his arms, and Jim’s only seen him like this a handful of times – maybe never this bad. He’s trembling and Jim’s neck is wet with tears and so are his eyes, now, because he’s certain he’s broken something important, but.
But no, he hasn’t. For once he hasn’t, and this thing that they have – as fragile as it feels in the face of today – continues on even when it seems impossible. ]
I –
[ He chokes on his own tears. He is sharply aware that even if this isn’t the end, something else could be, for either of them. And they’d have to go on. ]
-I don’t want you to ever vanish. Even. Even with me, Zell, you can’t - Don't ever go out.
[ Rubbing his face against whatever dry part he can find on his boyfriend until he can feel Jim's tears. Lifting his head to look at him, bringing a hand to brush the tears. Look at them, they were a mess, but it reaffirms something to him. Pressing dry lips against the salty streaks on Jim's face to kiss away the tears. ]
I can't do this without you, Stars.
[ Pulling him close again as he shakes his head. ]
[ Jim's muffled by Zell's jacket where he's buried his face, but then he's fighting away to stare at Zell, stubborn determination written all over his face. ]
You have to. There's a chance... even if we keep our promise, do everything together, there's a chance you could make it out of here without me.
[ A good one, even. There's been a death for every day they've been here, and most of them haven't come back. ]
[ You have to. Drawing in a ragged breath as he looks at Jim. Looks at that look and he swallows back whatever argument started to form on his tongue. He reaches up to trace Jim's eye brows one by one before he gives a sad smile. Shaking his head head. ]
I won't ever give up. I won't ever give up on you. [ If Zell is the one who survives this hell, he will wait for Jim to wake up. Like he does everyone else, but much longer. He'll find a way to save him. ]
I'm going home with you and you're going to meet my ma. [ There is no ifs, buts, or maybes. It's going to happen. There will be a way to save him. ]
[ Jim can see Zell giving up on the argument. Jim's desperate to know that his boyfriend will be okay if Norfinbury ever decides to claim him personally, but he can't make himself argue against that smile.
Instead he takes a deep breath - the kind that rocks his whole body as he slowly lets it out - and closes his eyes against the tears that threaten again. ]
[ He seems to relax at Jim seeming to concede. Brushing his fingers gently across Jim's cheek, and then tilting Jim's head down as he leans up to press a kiss against his forehead. ]
Come here. [ Hooking an around Jim to pull him against him. He buries his face against his shoulder. ]
Stay with me. [ It comes out muffled. It's not clear if he means that night, or if he's referring to long term. ]
[ Jim lets himself be pulled, and doesn't hesitate to hold tight to Zell. He's not sure which sense Zell means, either, but the answer's the same: ]
I'm trying.
[ If it's in Jim's power, he isn't going anywhere, and he hopes Zell knows that. Because there's nothing else to say, he starts to hum the same song he'd sung to Zell over the tablets the night they'd been forcibly separated. ]
[ He already knows he's not going to be sleeping tonight. Even with the comforting warmth against him singing a song that normally brighten his day. Zell is afraid of taking his eyes off Jim. Afraid the moment he does, this stupid place is going to take him away again. He'll dissolve into static and he can't really trust it yet. Can't trust letting go for the night.
Pressing a kiss against his shoulder. ]
That's good enough for me. [ With that, he starts humming along. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
i've had 2.5 hours of sleep this may be gibberish
Then, it changes. Zell is sobbing in his arms, and Jim’s only seen him like this a handful of times – maybe never this bad. He’s trembling and Jim’s neck is wet with tears and so are his eyes, now, because he’s certain he’s broken something important, but.
But no, he hasn’t. For once he hasn’t, and this thing that they have – as fragile as it feels in the face of today – continues on even when it seems impossible. ]
I –
[ He chokes on his own tears. He is sharply aware that even if this isn’t the end, something else could be, for either of them. And they’d have to go on. ]
-I don’t want you to ever vanish. Even. Even with me, Zell, you can’t - Don't ever go out.
your tag is a good <3
I can't do this without you, Stars.
[ Pulling him close again as he shakes his head. ]
I don't want to do this without you.
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[ Jim's muffled by Zell's jacket where he's buried his face, but then he's fighting away to stare at Zell, stubborn determination written all over his face. ]
You have to. There's a chance... even if we keep our promise, do everything together, there's a chance you could make it out of here without me.
[ A good one, even. There's been a death for every day they've been here, and most of them haven't come back. ]
But you can't ever give up.
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I won't ever give up. I won't ever give up on you. [ If Zell is the one who survives this hell, he will wait for Jim to wake up. Like he does everyone else, but much longer. He'll find a way to save him. ]
I'm going home with you and you're going to meet my ma. [ There is no ifs, buts, or maybes. It's going to happen. There will be a way to save him. ]
Let me do that at least, Stars.
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Instead he takes a deep breath - the kind that rocks his whole body as he slowly lets it out - and closes his eyes against the tears that threaten again. ]
Okay.
[ He wants that, more than anything. ]
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Come here. [ Hooking an around Jim to pull him against him. He buries his face against his shoulder. ]
Stay with me. [ It comes out muffled. It's not clear if he means that night, or if he's referring to long term. ]
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I'm trying.
[ If it's in Jim's power, he isn't going anywhere, and he hopes Zell knows that. Because there's nothing else to say, he starts to hum the same song he'd sung to Zell over the tablets the night they'd been forcibly separated. ]
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Pressing a kiss against his shoulder. ]
That's good enough for me. [ With that, he starts humming along. ]