rattlingthestars | IC Inbox II

[ He notices the paleness, and knows Jim has to be sick. But he can't even get himself to care past duty and promises. Like he has memories of the feelings, but it's empty. There's nothing there.

Reaching up to cup Jim's face as he searches it for something.

And then he's going to lean close to press a very light kiss against his mouth.

Still nothing.

Leaning back to look at Jim with a blank look. He should be curious. He should be worried or afraid.

It's just empty. ]

I'm missing something.

[ It feels wrong. It all feels wrong.

The way Zell's hand cups his face, the look in his eyes, the kiss -

It's like he's empty. Jim has to shake the revulsion off before he can even respond. ]

What is it? What's missing?

[ Drawing back and letting go completely as he looks at his hands. Tasting his lips as well before shaking his head. ]

My heart. My feelings. I know I should be freaking out or scared. And I was when things were fading... but now it's just gone. It's all gone. I'm not worried or afraid. I'm not excited to touch you. I'm not upset by it being gone. It's just not there.

[ And his tone is emotionless. ]

You - oh.

[ Jim's face does something complicated as he backs away, giving Zell space. Giving himself space. Whatever. ]

Okay. It'll probably wear off.

[ That assurance is more for Jim than it is Zell; Zell doesn't care. Jim rubs his face. ]

[ It feels... empty even more when Jim steps back. He knows that'll normally make him sad or something. He knows what he should be feeling, but nothing is happening.

Opening and closing his hand as he looks at it. It's missing the weight there, but he isn't missing it. ]

Yeah, it'll go away. These things always do.

[ It's missing the usual optimism. Just flat flat flat. ]

[ Zell's not even looking at him.

He feels ridiculous; it will wear off. He can't help the feeling of being abandoned, though, or the grief that wells up inside. ]

-Right. What now?

[ His voice is incredibly unsteady. ]

[ Glancing around to see what they can do. ]

We keep moving. There's promises to keep, right? To you and the others.

[ He might not have his emotions, but he does have his sense of loyalty still. Looking over at Jim to wait for a response. He can recognize something is wrong. It just doesn't bother him like it should. ]

Everything okay?

[ It's such a Zell thing to say, even without the emotion that should be behind it, that Jim wants to hit something. He sighs instead and nods. ]

-Yeah, okay. Let's go.

[ He can probably hit Zell. Zell won't care, other than having pain receptors.

He does hold out his hand for Jim out of habit. It was just as normal as breathing for him at this point. ]

It'll go away. [ Repeating it again. ] Or I'll have to relearn it all again.

It'll go away. [ Jim wishes he were more sure, and he really wishes he were anywhere else right now.

he doesn't take the hand. He shoves it in his pocket instead. ] Come on already.

[ Normally that would bother him. Or it'll hurt like a sting.

He knows that. But not feeling the sharp stab of rejecting is...

Is something.

He feels something in his chest. Almost like an ache, but it's nothing he can really emotionally response to. ]

Yeah. [ His voice is quieter as lets his hand drop to his side. Just going to follow behind Jim. ]

I am sorry. I want to feel it. I remember feeling it.

[ He knows he doesn't want Jim to make these expressions. It's not normal. He just... isn't upset about it. Isn't scared. It's not there ]

[ Jim feels it strongly enough for both of them. He shoves both his hands deeper in his pockets as Morph circles around him, chittering, and then darts back to investigate whatever is going on with Zell. ]

We'll talk about it when you can again. Just... not right now.

[ Right now he needs to make it through whatever this is, and not talk to Zell about his feelings when Zell can't even care about them. ]

[ He reaches to pet Morph, but the smile isn't there. The excitement or the warmth isn't in his eyes. Sorry, Morph. ]

Alright. If you say so.

[ Since he can't hold on, he'll just place his feet in Jim's foot prints in front of him. It does nothing to fill the emptiness, but it's... something. It's something to concentrate on while they go. ]

IC Inbox II

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