rattlingthestars | IC Inbox II

[ The day was saved and emotions were running wild. Zell waited until after lockdown and after he was sure Jim was awake before dismissing himself from the others. Physically, Jim was fine. He knows from previous monster encounters that he wouldn’t be mentally okay. He also knows he can trust Jim to Zack and Kunsel. They can have their talks and help cheer him up, while Zell sets up something special to take his mind off of things.

Choosing the small office in the back and moving things around to make sure he has room. Then he’ll set up the air mattress. This, as well as the earlier shouting and running around to head off the monster definitely counts as a work out. Covering it with the fitted sheet, and using fabric to drape down from the desk to give them a fort.

After he was finished, he lit some candles to set around on the floor and desk.Kicking off his shoes and stripping down to his pants to cool off after that. Setting up a plate with cola in the center and draping his jacket over a reachable spot before he heads for the bathroom. Making sure he looks presentable and trying to calm himself down. His heart was racing from more than just post monster nerves.

Once he was sure he looked fine, and replaced his clothes with the cleaner set he had, he shoots Jim a message. ]

Upstairs in the office.
Come up when you’re ready.
(｡’▽’｡)♡

[ Jim's calmed down a little in the intervening hours between the monster that came out of his head and now. He's spent time with his friends and he's no longer freaking out, but he can't help but wonder where Zell's disappeared to. He itches to send a message - come back, I need you - but Zell's probably got a good reason for retreating.

Doesn't mean he isn't looking at the message with bemusement when he gets it, at least at first, but by the time he makes his excuses and heads upstairs he's got a smile on his face.

He pauses at the door and clears his throat. ]

Knock knock?

[ Retreating to prep himself. ]

Hey. [ Swallowing as he hops up to his feet, and almost drops his tablet. Whoops. Moving towards Jim to grab him by the belt and tug him inside of the office. Pausing to take the time to actually close the door behind him. ]

Wanted to get things ready. [ Nodding towards the room as he backs up until he feels the mattress. Letting go of Jim to snag the cola and offer it up. ]

Thirsty?

[ Jim watches Zell fumble his tablet with a smile that's soft and fond. Zell can save the world with his fists but apparently Jim standing in a doorway is Too Much.

He opens his mouth to speak, but then Zell's grabbing his belt and pulling him forward. Something about the grab, or the pulling sensation, or maybe just the monster earlier turns the warmth in Jim's chest to ice. His expression freezes, hi body loose and not his own, and he doesn't catch what Zell is saying. ]

Yeah - I -

[ He has no idea. He wants to run. He takes the cola when it's offered to him and, without another word, takes a deep drink from it. ]

[ He realizes something is wrong pretty quickly. Making sure his tablet is on as he plops it down on the desk to help give more light. ]

Stars? [ Zell knows not to touch his face or neck when he's like this. He desperately wants to kiss everything better until Jim can no longer think, but he knows it wouldn't work. His heart aches at knowing just how much it screws Jim up to encounter these things and not being able to do a damn thing about it. Not until they get the hell out of there.

Carefully, he takes the can from Jim's hand to put it down. ]

I'm here, Jim. It's just me. Nothing can get you. [ His tone is gently as he moves his hand, pausing to let it hover for a moment as he wrestles with what he can do to soothe him. Then he'll stretch out his fingers and place his palm over his heart. ]

I'm here.

I'm okay.

[ The lie's reflexive, same as backing away for a moment and bending over to catch his breath. He lets Zell touch him, though, and takes comfort in the warmth of his palm.

Underneath it, Jim's heart knocks furiously but his lungs expand in the pattern they've practiced countless times now.

Like training. Zell is here, and nothing could get him. He'd won against the monster earlier. ]

-I'm okay.

[ This time it's not a lie and all he's left with is feeling sheepish as he looks up at Zell and then away. ]

[ Relief floods him as he realizes Jim remembered their breathing exercises. Keeping his hand there as a steady reminder that he is there. He waits until it finally sounds like he really is okay before stepping close. Reaching to brush his hair back gently. ]

Can. Can I hug you now?

[ He has been itching to since the monster, but hugging him while he was knocked out did little to soothe those feelings. Putting his all in setting things up helped keep his mind off for bit, but now Jim is here. Everything is coming back again and he's at war with himself. ]

[ The touch to the face startles Jim into looking up and meeting Zell's eyes. There's still an edge of fear there, though it's retreating.

Can. Can I hug you now?

Zell's hesitating and Jim can't blame him. Not after Jim's performance this afternoon, and just now. He doesn't give Zell permission.

He throws himself into his boyfriend's arms instead, and hugs like he's never going to let go, even though he's splashed a little soda down Zell's back. ]

[ He'll just have to take off his shirt afterwards. He manages to catch him without falling over backwards. Zell is hesitant thanks to Jim being startled, but eventually he places his hands on Jim's back. Giving him a squeeze as he nuzzles against the side of his face. Breathing out a shuddering breath as it clicks in his boyfriend really is in one piece and okay. Not daring to speak almost afraid of ruining it, while he keeps holding on until Jim says something. ]

[ Jim starts to. He wants to. He suck in a breath, but sounds wet even to his own ears, and his mind goes blank. He buries his face back in Zell's shoulder, and holds tighter. He's okay, they're all okay, it was a close call but no one is hurt.

The breathing exercises worked too. He's no longer on the edge of a panic attack or a flashback or whatever that was. Jim knows that he's here with Zell and the monster is safely locked outside. But... somehow, the longer he holds on, the harder it is to keep himself together. ]

Just... [ He doesn't really know how to finish that. He tries: ] Just give me a second.

[ He's pressing a kiss against the side of Jim's head. ]

We have all the time we want. [ Nuzzling against him as he strokes Jim's back slowly. ] All the time we need. Take as long as you want. I won't move. [ And he means it. If it means holding the other two up, then that's fine. He'll deal with it later. This comes first. Pressing his lips against him every so often as they stand there. ]

[ It starts out slow, a few tears on Zell's jacket, until it's a silent flood, and then a noisy one. Jim hates the sounds and muffles it as much as he can in Zell's jacket, but he can't really escape them. Can't escape knowing that Zell hears them too.

He keeps trying to answer, but the words won't form. Every time he tries, the image of that thing with half of Silver attached swims in his vision and he's off again. ]

Edited 2017-03-04 07:44 (UTC)

[ Shifting a bit to pull Jim flushed against him. Wrapping his arms tightly around him as he buries his face against him. ]

I'm here, Stars. [ Repeating it quietly like a spell. Once it seems like Jim is starting all over again, Zell glances behind him for a moment to check how far the mattress was. Careful not to break Jim's hold on him as he shifts his arms under his boyfriend's to get his arms in place. Then he's going to pick Jim up and back up until he feels the mattress. Sitting down as he moves to pull Jim in, hoping his boyfriend has already figured out what was going on as he puts him in his lap. ]

[ Being picked up slows Jim's tears, first out of shock and then out of embarrassment. He feels like a child, being comforted and carried around this way, but it's something he needs so badly that he can't reject it.

He buries his face in Zell's chest and wraps his arms around to cling. While he still can't seem to speak, the flow of tears seems to have ebbed for now. ]

Edited 2017-03-15 04:58 (UTC)

[ If Jim were to ask, Zell would talk about how much he just loves having him in his arms. Rubbing his face against the top of his head. Hands moving against to rub shapes and patterns against Jim's back to help him.

Once it feels like the tears are slowing, maybe even stopping, he slides his hand up to rest on the back of his head. Massaging his scalp. ]

Hey. [ He says the greeting softly. ]

Hey.

[ Jim's voice is rough, after all that. He leans back into Zell's hands and closes his eyes, wondering what now. Should he play it off? Change the subject? Pretend it never even happened? He doesn't think Zell's going to accept any of that.

Partners. ]

I don't really know what just happened.

[ Jim leaning back gives him a chance to nuzzle what he can get of his boyfriend's face. Pressing feather light kisses against the corner of his eyes. ]

Your body probably decided it couldn't wait any more. [ Giving him another squeeze as he brushes his lips against Jim's forehead. ] You were being chased by a monster, Stars. [ A monster that looked like Silver. A monster that almost took Jim away from him. ]

We beat it. [ The objection's weak; it's hard to sound too strong in the face of that kind of affection, as much as Jim wants to. ] We beat it, it's not even the first time.

[ So why now? ]

You beat it. But you still risked your life to do it, Stars. [ The kisses move down the side of his face. ]

That on top of all the other shit and it looking like Silver... I would have been crying a lot sooner in your place. [ He's hoping Jim understands that there is nothing wrong with it. That he's the last person who would judge or anything. ]

And now you're safe. We're safe thanks to you. It's done and you're here. [ They finally have a moment together with Jim actually awake. ]

Safe.

[ Jim repeats it, more to himself than to Zell. Of course they're safe, but -

But Zell understands, apparently. Jim doesn't quite buy that Zell would be crying - he knows how hard his boyfriend tries not to do that - but the reassurance is there all the same. ]

You noticed too, huh? What it looked like?

[ It wasn't bleeding out black stuff like the first time, but it was definitely recognizable as the old cyborg. Taking a moment to nuzzle against the side of Jim's face as he mumbles a confirmation that he did notice. Then he pulls his head back to look at Jim. ]

Is that why you took him on all on your own? Because it looked like Silver?

Edited 2017-04-01 21:22 (UTC)

Kind of.

[ Jim shrugs without meeting Zell's eyes. ]

Whatever it was came out of my head, right? So I created it. That meant it was my job to take care of it.

[ He huffs out through his nose. ]

Anyway, there wasn't really time to make a plan. I didn't really stop to think much.

[ Kind of? He does notice the lack of eye contact. Sighing as he nuzzles against Jim hair. ]

I was scared, you know.

[ It's his job to take care of it because they ganked it from his head, huh? ]

What if it came out of my head? [ Well, he has seen Silver. A fake twisted version of it, but he means in general. A monster popping up from his world or of people he knows. ]

[ Jim flinches. ]

Didn't mean to.

[ Scare Zell, he means. ]

It's - if it'd been you. I wouldn't have wanted you to do what you did, but I would've understood.

[ He leans back to make sure to meet his eyes. ]

I understand. I do understand why you did it.

[ It also sounds like Jim gets it too. That Zell didn't want him to rush off alone, but... ]

I trust you. I knew you would do your best to get back.

[ Even if it felt like he almost lost Jim a couple of times there, he still knew he would make it back. ]

night 203 (I don't know if makes sense)

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lame tag is lame <3

ur face is not lame

does he get a reward for being patient

he gets a crappy tag /o\

manhandling

orz sorry this is dumb

<3 <3 <3

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I need a I BELEIVE IN YOU icon or something