rattlingthestars | IC Inbox II

[ It's much later than either of them thought by the time Jim gets there. When Jim arrives, he may see a small amount of blood on the floor that looks like it could be from earlier today. There is a couch pushed in front of one of the doors, where a constant stream of whispering can be heard.

The other room in the suit is closed, but there is nothing barring the way.

Will Jim proceed? ]

[ Jim moves toward the barricaded door, but stills in front of the couch to listen. Under the sounds of the monster's whispering he can hear Morph and Mochi, and snatches of what he think might be Zell.

He wants to go to him, but the whispers are louder. He needs to deal with that first, and make sure Zell doesn't have to. He'd sounded so broken over the tablet...

Jim grips his knife - already used twice today - and slides the couch away to get at the door and prepare himself for whatever's behind it before he swings it open. ]

[ What's there is mostly Seifer. His blond hair is slicked back, and his bright blue eye and part of the scar under his left eye. His right side of his face was different. Lips fuller, another scar under his right eye and his eyes were a darker blue. There's a necklace around his neck with something that looks like a lion at the end of it.

Bits of his limbs were in different patchwork of clothes from what could be familiar to Jim as well. All of them match bits and pieces from the color scheme Zell's friends- his other family. Even his jacket was a mix of the white coat from prior, and a brown duster.

Now free, it's looking beyond Jim to try to head towards the other room. It's as if it knows where Zell is. It has many things to share with him about the light.

Zell is too busy being a ball. Well, too busy until he hears the sounds of the couch moving. All the tiny hairs on his arms and the back of his neck rise as he realizes with a start that he's no longer alone there. He let his tablet back in the bathroom and hasn't mustered enough care to get to it. So, he can check to see if it's Jim or anyone else.

He manages to utilize his training to quietly slip off the bed and head towards the door. Pausing to check to see Mochi and Morph were still snoozing in the drawer with his coat. Once he's sure they are, he quietly opens the door and slips out. ]

[ Jim's bulk blocks most of the door. His body is the same, though he's hunched painfully forward under the weight of the sail on on his back that rattles every time he breathes. It knocks against the doorframe, right at the top, and that hurts too.

Not enough to make Jim's attention stray even for an instant. That... thing is still hissing and whispering and being hateful to Zell, who's never done anything to deserve it. Jim's not going to let him. He's not going to let it do that, he's not going to let it hurt Zell at all.

After all, Zell's only got room for one monster in his life.

Jim moves in a blur of oranges and reds, nearly too fast to see, and slices his scalpel through what he hopes is the creature's neck. It's not; one of Seifer's eyes and it catches on the bridge of Squall's nose until Jim pries it free and goes in again, lower, again and again until it stops moving.

When he thinks it's dead he takes a deep breath that turns into a sob halfway through, and then another, and he stumbles backwards from the corpse until his sail hits a wall and he unbalances, falling to his knees. ]

[ Zell cringes as the blade makes it way into the eye that is Squall's. He grips his fists, but doesn't make a move yet.

The creature seems to shrink with a tangle of different voices as it loses it sight. Trying to push past the Jimmaly before it to get to it's target.

That's when Zell starts to move towards them, ready to yank Jim back if he needs to keep him safe. Before he reaches them, Jim manages to hit the monster where he needs to. The next sound is gurgling and crying all mingling together. Zell freezes as he watches it collapses, scrabbling at it's own throat to stop the wound. The life slowly leaves it's expression as it dies out on the floor.

At first, Zell is going to move towards the hodgepodge of his friends, but Jim stumbling backwards while making that sound has him picking up his pace. ]

Jim!

[ And dropping to his knees beside him as he reaches for his shoulder ]

Stars, You're okay. It's okay.

[ Jim curls inward, as best he can. He's too ungainly to get away without actually pushing Zell, but he doesn't want Zell to see him. The fin at his back moves with each too-fast breath, curling and uncurling. It casts them in firey orange and harsh shadows.

It's not just the monstrous turn his body has taken, now, but also the things he's done today. He killed three things - people - things, and one of them had been Zell's friends. ]

Don't - I don't want to hurt you again!

[ The last time they'd touched, Zell had ended up bleeding, and Jim has far less layers on now. His sweater and t-shirt are missing, but the linen one he wore from home is hanging off him, leaving his shoulder bare. ]

Please stay back.

Edited 2017-07-04 05:30 (UTC)

[ He stops for a moment. Hand hovering inches away from his boyfriend's shoulder. A part of him just wants to pull him close and not let go, but he also knows that will add on to the layers of guilt. Moving his hand down to rest over the hand holding the scalpel. ]

Let me have that, Stars.

[ Ignoring the dizziness that's hitting at the contact as he curls his hand around his to pull the scalpel. Once it's free from his hands, he's tossing it away and hopefully out of sight. Not letting go of Jim as he stands up. ]

Come with me to the room. I'll let go once we're there.

[ Jim loosens his grip rather than fight over it. He doesn't need the knife anymore; the monster is dead. He can't bring himself to look over there and double check, but it's quiet now. Zell would have taken care of it if it weren't.

He's silent as Zell pulls him along, too selfish to force the issue and retreat again. Instead he waits until they're to the room and then breaks as soon as he feels Zell's grip tightening so he can put a few feet of distance between them. Jim's not sure how much they need so that Zell isn't sick, but he doesn't want to risk anything. ]

I -

[ He should have something to say. An explanation or an apology. He doesn't. ]

-I missed you.

[ He can feel the nose bleed, but is hoping, with a pang of guilt, that Jim's unable to see it. Zell makes his disappointment known with a sound as soon as Jim moves away. He was hoping they could hold on a little longer. ]

Careful, Stars. There is a drawer open on the dresser. Mochi and Moprh are in there. [ He keeps his voice low as he moves to his stuff. Pulling out some vending machine rations and plopping down on the bed. ]

If I stay at one end, would you sit on the other? [ He's patting the bed. ] It's a large bed. It's...[ Strugging with admitting it, but knowing Jim needs to hear about the effects clearly. ] It only hits me if we're touching. I didn't feel sick being near you.

[ Once the words are out, he knows he can't take them back. He's sad by saying as much though. He really wanted to tough it out and deal with it if it means touching Jim. ]

I missed you too. [ His voice cracks there. ] I missed you so much, Stars.

[ Jim can't see it, but he can hear the way Zell's breathing changes to accommodate it. He can smell it if he concentrates hard enough, or maybe it's just his brain knowing it has to be there.

Jim avoids the dresser carefully without a word about it, and Morph doesn't seem too willing to get close. He hesitates at the edge of the bed, able to hear it around the echoes of Zell's words. ]

-I will if you keep back. Don't touch me.

[ Jim wants to avoid it for more reasons than one, right now. ]

I didn't want you to see any of this.

[ He scoots to lean against the headboard of the bed. ]

I can't. [ He can't make any promises, but the words kind of die. Linking his own hands together as he looks at Jim. Looking at the sails and way his shirt is in shreds. ]

I'll try. I'll try for you. [ Even if all he wants to do is touch him. Run his fingers through his hair, down his back, and to touch those wings. He wants to kiss Jim's forehead and hold his hand. He wants to reassure him it's okay. ]

I know you didn't want this. [ Gesturing between them. Meaning the whole Zell seeing him. Zell being in proximity of him. There is an unsaid but hanging in the air. ] I am glad you came. I'm so glad, Stars.

[ Swallowing back the wave of emotions as rubbing his face to keep from crying. ]

[ The sail flickers with every movement of air in the room, every time either of them speaks. It's exactly like what Zell saw in Jim's dreams, down to the patchwork repairs, except that it's growing out of Jim.

He sighs; it sounds like there's a laugh somewhere buried hysterical and deep. ]

You were in trouble. I couldn't... You were in trouble, of course I was going to come.

[ Zell looks at the sails, already comparing them from the sails he's seen. It's both beautiful and cruel, much like the liquid space adorning his face. ]

You caught me.

[ Zell scoots a little closer. There's a few feet between them, and he really misses being close. Being able to hug him, hold him, and hold his hand without anything bad happening. He told Jim he will try, so he'll do his best. He does feel the resolve crumbling, and decides to ask the next thing that pops in his head. ]

Are they warm? Your wings?

[ Jim feels Zell moving closer and tenses, afraid for a moment that he's not going to be able to hold the distance. He's not certain what he did today was catching. He killed... he doesn't want to think about it. Not yet, not if Zell isn't.

The question surprises him, and he has to think about it. ]

Remember - sunshine. [ The concept not the nickname. ] Just being out in it and feeling it warm you up? It feels like that.

[ Because it is sunlight, wherever it's coming from. ]

[ He feels a mixture of relief and bitter about that. It feels like sunshine and his eyes are nothing but stars. This place has a shitty sense of humor. Zell looks at the shreds of shirt hanging on Jim's shoulders. ]

So it helps you stay warm?

[ He hopes it does. Really hopes it does. ]

I have something you can wear. It's big enough we might be able to get them though.

[ His mouth is going, but his heart isn't fully into it. It's an important topic, but not really what he wants to talk about. ]

A little.

[ Jim feels it less now that he's inside again, away from what little sunlight Norfinbury can provide. He wishes he could let Zell touch, though - he wants him to have a little of the warmth. It would be a small good to come out of this. ]

I don't want to ruin anything else. Not - until we're sure. I think what I did this morning might change me back.

[ He'd been so sure of it, then, but it's less certain now that hours have passed and nothing has changed. ]

Until then... you can come closer. Don't touch, just ... get warm.

GONNA TACKLE

[ He doesn't waste a moment after permission is given. He moves closer until they are about a foot apart. Zell feels almost a thrill being within reach of him. His heart is beating in his chest as he faces his boyfriend. ]

How about a blanket then?

[ Zell lifts his hand, but then closes his hands again. ]

Are they like cloth?

[ Jim reaches up to touch his own sail, considering. It does feel like solar cloth... but it also feels like skin in a way that has his stomach lurching. It grew out of his body. It's part of him, and it shouldn't be. ]

-Blanket's okay.

[ He makes a familiar move to rub his face and halfway there seems to realize what he's doing and put his hand firmly back in his lap. ]

[ He can tell from the movement and the way Jim is holding himself that he's really not okay. Sliding off the bed and pulling out a blanket from his stuff before moving to stand infront of him. ]

I won't touch.

[ Reassuring him first, and then carefully he maneuvers the blanket to drape over back and wings. Grabbing each end of it as a way to hug and hold Jim without making any contact as he pulls it carefully. ]

Better?

[ Standing in front of him and already trying to seek out all the parts that are still his. All the parts that are very Jim. ]

You're still you, you know. I can still see you, Stars.

[ Jim tenses, not because he doesn't trust Zell to keep his word but because he's so close now. He keeps perfectly still as Zell surrounds him with the blanket, and holds his breath when the blanket tightens. He needs this. He needed Zell. ]

-Better. Thank you.

[ He feels like himself now more than he had for days, but he knows he's still wrong. Zell can see him and he flinches. ]

-Yeah. Why aren't you...

[ Angry? Yelling? Disgusted? ]

[ It's hard not touching him. Staying there and gripping to the edges of the blanket as his gaze drops to Jim's legs. They were still intact at least.

Why aren't you what?

He can think of a lot of ways to finish that question. Too many ways. Looking back up to see the trails of stardust and his hollow eyes, trying to find a glimpse of the beautiful hue that matches the strap on his wrist. ]

Why aren't I what?

Angry. Afraid.

[ Either of those would be understandable. It's what he deserves, at the moment. He killed them... ]

[ Not that Jim could see, but Zell looks genuinely confused. ]

Why would I be afraid of you? You're still you.

[ Letting go of the edge and then throwing caution to the wind. ]

Just. Just a little, please.

[ His tone is soft and pleading as he reaches to put his hand over Jim's. ]

[ Jim knows he should move his hand, maybe even run away again. But he can't; it's Zell and he wants to comfort him - to be comforted - so badly. So he lets him. ]

I - [ Killed. ] Hurt them. Your friends. Zack's girlfriend. My dad. Not because I was a monster.

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finish ;3