rattlingthestars | IC Inbox II

[ The paralysis sets in immediately, as Zell slumps over. He can feel more contact with Jim, but the dizziness and everything associated with touching the monsters slowly dissipates. He can see the wings as they change.

He wants to desperately call Jim's name. To hold him. He tries to move but can't. It's a different kin of agony being so close and being unable to do anything to help. He can't do anything if they decide to take him.

Fifteen long minutes of being unable to do anything. ]

[ Fifteen minutes that feel like hours, for all the agony Jim's in. At one point he thinks he stops breathing - it hurts too much - until finally whatever's holding them releases his body and he gasps, taking in deep lungfuls of air. Too much; he's hyperventilating, or maybe just panicking, and he knows he should do what Zell taught him but he can't.

Not yet. ]

[ And then they are free and he immediately spings back up. Relief floods him as Jim is still there, and is actually normal. Then he realizes he might be having a panic attack. Moving to put his hands on his back to rub it in soothing motions. ]

Stars. Hey, Stars. It's okay. Try to breathe. [ A part of him wants to just gather him up, but he needs him breathing normal first. ]

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. [ He keeps his voice low. ]

[ Stars.

Jim falls into the breathing pattern with Zell before he can even understand what he's saying. It's slow, but eventually he reaches something like calm and opens his eyes. They're normal again, bright blue behind the tears that are holding there, but his back is damp with blood. ]

Zell?

[ He reaches around, feeling where Zell felt - it's gone. ]

I'm... it's fixed, isn't it? You're not sick anymore?

[ The blood is concerning and he wonders just how painful was it for Jim. He can hear his name and he looks to Jim's face to beam a soft smile. ]

Hey, beautiful.

[ Fingers feeling along where the wings used to be to try to feel anything wrong. Then he shrugs off his coat and pulls of his shirt. Scrunching it up to rub the blood off gently. ]

You're fixed. I don't feel dizzy any more.

[ The pain - so intense only a few minutes ago - has faded to an ache. It feels strange when Zell touches his back, but it doesn't make the pain worse. ]

-You're gonna ruin it.

[ He's focusing on the least important thing right now, yeah. ]

God, Zell...

[ With the confirmation that it's all over, he's not going to hurt Zell anymore, Jim all but launches himself at his boyfriend. ]

I don't care. We can find more shirts.

[ And then he winds up with a Jim on him. Dropping the bloodied shirt and wrapping his arms tightly around him. ]

Whoa. Hey, you.

[ Readjusting them to get comfortable and pull Jim further on him. ]

[ Jim lets himself be rearranged, but he's not actually letting go. Loosening his arms is a major concession, and it doesn't last long. Once Zell's settled, he buries his nose in Zell's chest, taking in the sent of him, feeling for the heartbeat. If he didn't have to move to get to it, he'd want the stethoscope.

Keeping his face hidden has the added benefit of not having to think of what to say. Is there anything he even can? ]

How long do we have?

[ All the worries and stress slowly melts away with the familiar weight on him. Moving his hands up and down Jim's back to make sure everything really was normal. Checking again for any open wounds or scarring that wasn't there before. ]

However long we want.

[ Pressing a kiss against the top of his head. ]

I missed this.

Me too.

[ Not that it's not obvious, judging by the way Jim's clinging. He's not really making a move to do anything else even when Zell starts to check him over. He's fine - it's okay, he'll get over this now that Zell is here. ]

I missed you..

[ Once hes sure he's good and in one piece again, he nuzzles his face ito his hair. Breathing him as he takes in a shuddering breath. ]

Stars. [ His voice is thick with emotions. Moving his arms tight around Jim as he gives him a squeeze. ]

I'm so glad, Stars. I'm glad you can stay.

[ He won't leave now that he's normal again, right? He's staying this time, right? ]

I got it back.

[ The thing that makes him whole - keeps him a person. The light that Brian stole. ]

I got it back, I'm me again - I won't leave.

[ As long as it's safe for him to be here. Longer. ]

[ Not letting up as he just enjoys how solid Jim is and how right it feels to have him there. It wasn't a long time away, but it felt like it. It felt so much longer trudging through the snow with only a couple pets for company. He felt it when he went to sleep alone without anyone sleeping partially on him or hugging on him. There was no loud snoring or drooling or any of the normal things he had when they slept together. There was no keeping his voice down to exchange I love yous or chatting about things. He didn't have any of it. ]

You did. Thank you. Thank you for coming back to me, Stars. For getting it back.

It's all I wanted.

[ To come back. For it to be safe to come back, for him to be himself again. Not to be dangerous and monstrous and wrong. It had been so difficult, staying apart when everyone was yelling at him to come back. ]

This is where I want to be.

[ He pulls back a little, just enough to meet Zell's eyes. ]

[ Tears do escape his eyes as he shakes while holding him. Everything is hitting him all at once, and he can finally just feel it all. No trying to be strong or in one piece until Jim is there. No keeping it together to make sure the critters don't freak out.

Though he can hear them waking up in the drawer, he's going to pretend it's just them in the room now. Just him and Jim.

Moving a hand to cup the side of Jim's face to trace along his jaw gently. ]

Are you sore? Does it hurt at all?

[ He wants to just flip Jim over and kiss him until they are both breathless, but he doesn't want to hurt him either. ]

[ Jim wants to cry again, too, but he keeps it in this time as he watches Zell. He answers the question quiet, sounding almost distracted, because he's not focusing on himself much right now. ]

-Sore. Like after a really long training session.

[ And there's still the memory of the agony of the transformation, but it's retreated now. Jim shakes his head. ]

I'm better. It's okay, it's all -

[ He leans forward, kissing Zell's cheek, tasting the salt there. ]

It's all going to be okay.

[ Moving his hands down to hook on the remains of Jim's shirt. ]

I'll be gentle.

[ He says it quietly. Zell can tell for a moment something isn't right, but it's gone again. Smiling at the kiss, and then nuzzling his face. He doesn't really want Jim to move his hands away, but it's the only way to get the shirt off. Only way to get closer. Tugging at it. ]

Arms up. One sec.

[ Sneaking a chaste kiss against his lips as he looks at him. ]

I'll try to make it better, Stars.

[ Jim saying it's going to be okay makes him feel like it really will be. ]

[ Jim doesn't resist, though he gives his shredded shirt a mournful look. He'd liked that shirt, and it had survived nearly a year in Norfinbury. It's completely ruined now, of course; he couldn't get it off in time.

He shivers when it's gone and looks at Zell, a hint of worry in his eyes. ]

It's really normal back there again?

[ He tries to lay it nicely over the now blood covered shirt he was using earlier. ]

Yeah. All normal.

[ Brushing his fingers against Jim's back to touch where the wings used to be. Placing his palm flat against there so Jim can feel it. ]

See? Nothing there.

[ And then he kind of tilts his head and gives a shit eating grin. ]

Might need to check the rest of you to be sure.

[ Digging his thumbs into Jim's back to start working out some knots. ]

[ Jim focuses on the feeling of Zell's hand and not the memory of the wings, though it's difficult. All normal, and Zell's touching him without being hurt.

He's so caught up in that, Zell's joke comes as a surprise. It rips a startled laugh out of him, and a disbelieving stare. ]

Did you really just -?

[ Grinning brightly at that as he presses a kiss against the corner of Jim's mouth. ]

I did.

[ Laughing as he bumps his nose against the side of Jim's head. That face Jim is sporting is amazing. Reaching up to trace a brow as he leans back to look at him. ]

Love you, Stars.

[ Jim shoves him lightly, but makes up for it by grabbing his shirt and pulling him back in for a kiss. ]

I missed you.

[ It's the best he's felt in days, even if everything's still off-kilter and hurting. ]

[ Everything feels nice and right. Even the playful shove and pulled back in. Returning the kiss with fervor. After Jim talks, he gives him another kiss. Cupping the side of his face to keep him there. ]

Missed you too. Missed everything.

[ He could list every thing he missed, but would much rather just show Jim. Putting his hand on his hip to try to pull him closer. ]

[ Jim lets himself be pulled, but he doesn't seem inclined to take things any further. His kisses lack heat and intention; they're just relieved. ]

I thought this was it.

[ Zell just needs the closeness. To feel his heartbeat and warmth. ]

This was it? You mean... you didn't think you'd be back?

[ Settling his chin on Jim's shoulder as he snuggles him. There wasn't any hurt or anything in his words. He's just... glad now. It's good that everything is normal again. Good that... that he didn't lose Jim like he might have lost his friends. ]

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